Vous revoir anges

Vous revoir anges

Do u believe in tooth fairy’s ,I did and still continue to do so, not that I am on my dentures now or having my milk tooth still wrapped up under my pillow making a wish. When you see you will believe. Open your eyes!!

The last two years of my life has been one of the best journeys of my life, surrounded by unknown silence my thoughts has evolved in it and so did I.

Now that I am all set to leap back into the “world of life” I can see the silence melting away by the decibels, it’s a happy sad feeling!! “You get what you give” –a quote we all agree too, retrospectively I feel happy I had done something good , the thoughts I had hidden under my pillow for the tooth fairy to make it true had been a wish come true. She sent me each time her special angels with magical wand and they were their either to guide, console or even give me companionship when I needed the most.

As I see them going away from me, one by one and not sure if there are more to come I would like to say “Thank you” to them for making me a better person. They will become my memories for tomorrow but I still have today to complete and it’s hard, but they had to go and I let them too with no regrets .I will never say you all Good bye  but will only say See you again !!

Bonded by future

Dreaming has been my passion and I believe in High dreams that will bring in the realistic approach some day in your life, accomplishments of dreams are of even greater joy.

It’s a known fact that each one of us as an individual through out our life we are in the process of exploring oneself and each time we are amazed at our talent in the smallest or best way. It’s this instinct of self exploration that keeps us going in our life seeking more opportunities as well as challenging ones own abilities let it be professionally or personally.

When all looks good and bright, the unexpected trigger is plugged off and you’re grounded, that’s the best possible positive way to look at it. So now your self esteem is very low, all around, you’re surrounded by negative vibes and your dreams turn out to be night mares.

Usually either Robin Sharma or Rhoynde Bryan books would help me at this stage or just a biblical thought would do the wonders. For now just having a thought that I would have Him with me surpasses my fears of dreaming, strange but true!!

As we converse every night, we speak on our future, a future which is uncertain and complicated but the happiness of dreaming and planning together on future has bonded us dearly.

Life is Perfect!!

Its sounds good, feels good……..hmmmm…not for too long ,I guess the good factor bubble that we create around us does not last too long ,It breaks even before u realize it and a whole new space is created  and its during this phase of life we all struggle, puzzle or nag on our doings! As much as people around you say that they have come up positively and this is life…..! Ultimately you and I know the fact that as unique you are to this world so is your life.

So when was the last time I felt that I had a perfect life???? I guess it was when I did not understand the meaning of life. So when you try to think like a child you are expected to act matured by the world.

So can it be perfect, yes it will be but it’s a temporary momentum , if you start enjoying the imperfections you can be relieved from self pity. If you think its still not working for you ,then life is teaching you something and the message will be clear and simple and that is  “Nothing is Perfect “.

Threading the needle of Pain

It’s a weird thought, how many of us would actually like to connect with people through their “pain”.

Emotions are something that we humans are sensitive and possessive.

Pain considered being a negative emotion, all sensible humans tend to connect with the sufferer in the notion of making them feel better but at the end it’s to just self comfort their own emotional sensitivities than to that of the sufferers. When in pain actually all those comforting phrases and the sympathetic looks will not help the person but on contrary it would make him/her in pain more defensive and repulsive, as most of the time we are overwhelmed by the emotions of pain rather than the cause of the pain.

“Selective connectivity with Pain”, it’s a fact that we don’t want to connect with everyone in pain, I guess the world would have been a better place then. It’s the self shield of ignorance that we have created to protect our happiness. So do we connect to people in pain for our gains in the pretext of forming a common ground of emotional understanding? It’s hard to believe a person when they tell you they understand “how you feel”.

Will time heal the pain in you? I understand it does not! “Time” would only distract you from the past but we will always remember what we surpassed especially in difficult times and that’s why we tend to grow emotionally stronger with suffering .I believe the universe around you would never give you the pain which is beyond your existence. So do not find an easy way out to thread the needle of pain in life…the effort of living through the pain is worth it!

Sex, Me and the World

This three letter word of curiosity which would pop up everyone’s eye and alert the ear of all gender. I often wonder what is that ingredient present in it that can stimulate a person more than caffeine in the coffee.

To define sex is quite close to impossible, as I cannot just limit it to the mere pleasure created by physical energy but its much more beyond that, Sex not only defines an individual in this world, it also gives genitival features and attributes associated with it to the individual. To add on, the world around us tries to define the individuals sex the way the world wants it to be looked upon. Today well agreed by the elders of the society that sex has become a commodity, money valued commodity! The advertising world or the entertainment world would proudly agree to the fact “sex sells more than anything else”

As we all know through sex an individual can connect well to another entity.

So where does sex leads us to, its often referred to as a symbol of strength, love, it makes a statement at times, for the sexologist its keen ingredient that can keep the couple happy in martial life, at times its used as a weapon of oppressing and humiliation, Sex has gone far beyond to create an industry today where women and men equally are exploited…and so on..

To me I feel it’s an “Expression”, an expression of one’s individuality, an expression through which an individual inherits and moulds himself around it, an expression through which he makes his presence felt in the society, an expression by which he creates a new generation.

In today’s existence when we protest for the freedom of expression in our society and else where in the world, the thought surpasses my mind was it by Choice, Influence or by Force that I chose my Expression’s. In the present world where till to date parents are apprehensive to talk on this subject, same as to other institutions let it be religious or educational.Sex now being a negative word to be looked upon .I ask the world where does this “Expression” takes itself …? Doesn’t it deserve a better acknowledgement than limiting itself to be associated to just physical behavior..?

A Mother's Agony!

A Mother’s Agony…………!

"Did you read today’s News headliner?" she asks me over a virtual conversation. No! I replied, “Three men raped a 4year old girl in a school bus” she further tells me “the accused are the Bus driver, cleaner and bus supervisor”. I could feel, if not completely, the pain and anxiety in her as she was a mother of three children.

Who do we trust? As we are living in this world among individuals who can cause harm to us, how can we protect our children especially when the children are too young to even realize and understand this thought of safety?  I will not be surprised to see all mother's looking at men with a suspicious eye, let it be within the family or a stranger as she cannot trust anyone when the reality scenario of the world moulds her to be like this.

On a recent TV show it was proven statistically that child abuse and child sex exploitation was an alarming concern than drugs in all countries especially the one which survives on tourism, partly to be blamed with the globalization. As such still very little has been done to actually stop or prevent this from happening. Social stigma and poverty has made it even more difficult for individuals to even report a sexual abuse of a child in both developed and developing countries, over the last decade we have seen many voices raised against child sex abuse within the religious community who we trusted. The awareness still has been slow and ignored. Organization like ECPAT-UK (End Child prostitution and trafficking children for sexual purpose) is trying to make a difference and they must be encouraged.

Today, when all parents strive and sacrifice to give the best for their children the very basic need of protection and safety for their children is the biggest concern .As we both end our virtual conversation in a different context and with greetings of the night, we know our insecure thoughts and feeling of helpless and hopeless on our children's safety are going to linger in our mind for the days to come.

Being Gay…………..!

Being  Gay…………..!

My world was my home and family until I leapt into professional world self challenging to myself, it was  great to venture out all by your own like a butterfly out of the cocoon ,I felt the freedom, though I was never deprived of it before. I felt nervous and the Goosebumps in me and as much I was relishing the new world of mine, my loneliness was developing in parallel to this stage of life.

Thanks to the technology that gave me a peek to the world outside my land as i had decided to work in an island resort, I felt relaxed and relived in a paradoxical environment where all who I served came to the land I lived for relaxation and I was looking beyond the same land for it.

No man is cent percent straight, so was my thoughts; it was weird at that time, not anymore to me, perhaps living alone made me concentrate more on these emotions. I was searching for someone who could be with  me in this strange land, a person who I could relate to and being in an all men environment ,it was not easy to find a person of opposite sex or strange enough I did not make an attempt for it.

If you think something in your mind you can hold it in your hand, one of the secrets of life that I have learnt in the recent past. I thought it would be hard but before I could realize I had many of HIM around me and I did not have to choose among the three because it was they who completed HIM and HE completed me.

Accompanying HIM made me happy and I started to appreciate the beauty of life which I had lost for a short period of time. Though, at times the future seemed to be hazy and short, I did not want to predict the reality but wanted to just enjoy the moments by being with HIM and at times i became possessive on them.

Each of HIM had a distinguished personality trait that I was attracted for, this made are wavelength of thoughts to match, unique to them, yet I could satisfy my needs & dreams in them.

In self introspection I was attracted to a part of  myself which I was finding in HIM that was  to me . It was all my interest ,all my liking that led me to them. Some traits I could not follow and I thought was just a dream I could feel it and see it through them .It was just their normal behaviors  that  I had self deprived to be in the moral good books of my family .Sportive, flirty with girls, challenging the very man made rules of nature at the same time being composed and handling responsibilities of life was the traits that I was attracted to the two of HE's ,the last among was the elderly delight who I felt protected always in his presence ,the little gestures of care made me feel being in a family. Together all the three completed the HIM,  the perfect mate for me, for this short journey of my awaiting long journey. Each experience teaches everyone something good or bad and this experience thought me to be myself .If this is being Gay …I am loving it.