Threading the needle of Pain

It’s a weird thought, how many of us would actually like to connect with people through their “pain”.

Emotions are something that we humans are sensitive and possessive.

Pain considered being a negative emotion, all sensible humans tend to connect with the sufferer in the notion of making them feel better but at the end it’s to just self comfort their own emotional sensitivities than to that of the sufferers. When in pain actually all those comforting phrases and the sympathetic looks will not help the person but on contrary it would make him/her in pain more defensive and repulsive, as most of the time we are overwhelmed by the emotions of pain rather than the cause of the pain.

“Selective connectivity with Pain”, it’s a fact that we don’t want to connect with everyone in pain, I guess the world would have been a better place then. It’s the self shield of ignorance that we have created to protect our happiness. So do we connect to people in pain for our gains in the pretext of forming a common ground of emotional understanding? It’s hard to believe a person when they tell you they understand “how you feel”.

Will time heal the pain in you? I understand it does not! “Time” would only distract you from the past but we will always remember what we surpassed especially in difficult times and that’s why we tend to grow emotionally stronger with suffering .I believe the universe around you would never give you the pain which is beyond your existence. So do not find an easy way out to thread the needle of pain in life…the effort of living through the pain is worth it!

Sex, Me and the World

This three letter word of curiosity which would pop up everyone’s eye and alert the ear of all gender. I often wonder what is that ingredient present in it that can stimulate a person more than caffeine in the coffee.

To define sex is quite close to impossible, as I cannot just limit it to the mere pleasure created by physical energy but its much more beyond that, Sex not only defines an individual in this world, it also gives genitival features and attributes associated with it to the individual. To add on, the world around us tries to define the individuals sex the way the world wants it to be looked upon. Today well agreed by the elders of the society that sex has become a commodity, money valued commodity! The advertising world or the entertainment world would proudly agree to the fact “sex sells more than anything else”

As we all know through sex an individual can connect well to another entity.

So where does sex leads us to, its often referred to as a symbol of strength, love, it makes a statement at times, for the sexologist its keen ingredient that can keep the couple happy in martial life, at times its used as a weapon of oppressing and humiliation, Sex has gone far beyond to create an industry today where women and men equally are exploited…and so on..

To me I feel it’s an “Expression”, an expression of one’s individuality, an expression through which an individual inherits and moulds himself around it, an expression through which he makes his presence felt in the society, an expression by which he creates a new generation.

In today’s existence when we protest for the freedom of expression in our society and else where in the world, the thought surpasses my mind was it by Choice, Influence or by Force that I chose my Expression’s. In the present world where till to date parents are apprehensive to talk on this subject, same as to other institutions let it be religious or educational.Sex now being a negative word to be looked upon .I ask the world where does this “Expression” takes itself …? Doesn’t it deserve a better acknowledgement than limiting itself to be associated to just physical behavior..?

A Mother's Agony!

A Mother’s Agony…………!

"Did you read today’s News headliner?" she asks me over a virtual conversation. No! I replied, “Three men raped a 4year old girl in a school bus” she further tells me “the accused are the Bus driver, cleaner and bus supervisor”. I could feel, if not completely, the pain and anxiety in her as she was a mother of three children.

Who do we trust? As we are living in this world among individuals who can cause harm to us, how can we protect our children especially when the children are too young to even realize and understand this thought of safety?  I will not be surprised to see all mother's looking at men with a suspicious eye, let it be within the family or a stranger as she cannot trust anyone when the reality scenario of the world moulds her to be like this.

On a recent TV show it was proven statistically that child abuse and child sex exploitation was an alarming concern than drugs in all countries especially the one which survives on tourism, partly to be blamed with the globalization. As such still very little has been done to actually stop or prevent this from happening. Social stigma and poverty has made it even more difficult for individuals to even report a sexual abuse of a child in both developed and developing countries, over the last decade we have seen many voices raised against child sex abuse within the religious community who we trusted. The awareness still has been slow and ignored. Organization like ECPAT-UK (End Child prostitution and trafficking children for sexual purpose) is trying to make a difference and they must be encouraged.

Today, when all parents strive and sacrifice to give the best for their children the very basic need of protection and safety for their children is the biggest concern .As we both end our virtual conversation in a different context and with greetings of the night, we know our insecure thoughts and feeling of helpless and hopeless on our children's safety are going to linger in our mind for the days to come.

Being Gay…………..!

Being  Gay…………..!

My world was my home and family until I leapt into professional world self challenging to myself, it was  great to venture out all by your own like a butterfly out of the cocoon ,I felt the freedom, though I was never deprived of it before. I felt nervous and the Goosebumps in me and as much I was relishing the new world of mine, my loneliness was developing in parallel to this stage of life.

Thanks to the technology that gave me a peek to the world outside my land as i had decided to work in an island resort, I felt relaxed and relived in a paradoxical environment where all who I served came to the land I lived for relaxation and I was looking beyond the same land for it.

No man is cent percent straight, so was my thoughts; it was weird at that time, not anymore to me, perhaps living alone made me concentrate more on these emotions. I was searching for someone who could be with  me in this strange land, a person who I could relate to and being in an all men environment ,it was not easy to find a person of opposite sex or strange enough I did not make an attempt for it.

If you think something in your mind you can hold it in your hand, one of the secrets of life that I have learnt in the recent past. I thought it would be hard but before I could realize I had many of HIM around me and I did not have to choose among the three because it was they who completed HIM and HE completed me.

Accompanying HIM made me happy and I started to appreciate the beauty of life which I had lost for a short period of time. Though, at times the future seemed to be hazy and short, I did not want to predict the reality but wanted to just enjoy the moments by being with HIM and at times i became possessive on them.

Each of HIM had a distinguished personality trait that I was attracted for, this made are wavelength of thoughts to match, unique to them, yet I could satisfy my needs & dreams in them.

In self introspection I was attracted to a part of  myself which I was finding in HIM that was  to me . It was all my interest ,all my liking that led me to them. Some traits I could not follow and I thought was just a dream I could feel it and see it through them .It was just their normal behaviors  that  I had self deprived to be in the moral good books of my family .Sportive, flirty with girls, challenging the very man made rules of nature at the same time being composed and handling responsibilities of life was the traits that I was attracted to the two of HE's ,the last among was the elderly delight who I felt protected always in his presence ,the little gestures of care made me feel being in a family. Together all the three completed the HIM,  the perfect mate for me, for this short journey of my awaiting long journey. Each experience teaches everyone something good or bad and this experience thought me to be myself .If this is being Gay …I am loving it.

Who is in the Frontline….Oh! My God

Being brought up with religious values, I am always amused by the fact that I connect to God through my want of satisfying my needs. This brings me the thought of Maslow theory of management, as Maslow theory is widely speculated for accuracy, so is my thoughts! I feel our “needs’ is directly proportional to our connection with God. As Maslow states that Humans first tries to satisfy their basic physiological needs and so do “we” cry out to God to bless us with food, clothing and shelter, then it is the Safety needs that we pray for so that our wealth is safe and we continue to grow wealthier, then Maslow’s pyramid takes us to the belonging need where we undoubtedly want to be recognized and socially active by connecting with God and being recognized in a religious group satisfies it all. Finally it’s followed by the self actualization need where we think of moral uprightness and by the time we realize this it would have been too late. Today I realize the value of these sparks but I am not sure still if I will be able to follow what God really wanted me to do or continue to be happy self illusioned that I am religious and connected with God.

Its on this paradox that I think we act safe by positioning God in the front line in our battle of survival amongst the worldly pleasures, we always tend to mould the predictions of God blessing to our favor, we know its wrong but we continue to do that because we take “Him” for granted for “He” forgives all our sins…repentance we don’t want to think to much let us just pray sorry and comfort ourselves, God its all over…! Now for those who think on the immortal life. We have so much to think now, I cannot be a philanthropist to think beyond life or ordained of being a “Guru” reciting the basic truths. I still continue to pray God save “me”.

Defining myself

Defining Myself…..!

When it comes to criticizing others, I am best supported by my Virgo traits of being a good critic, but to self introspect one with a pious attitude is quite a lot of work to be done.

Physically as distinguished as I am, my origin is quite evident.Charactistically I self define myself as an individual who is high in ego but ready to handle its outcome in the most humble way, my taste for luxury is high but not technologically savvy ,with no definite long term  passion that makes me happy ,perhaps I live for the moment. It’s hard to accept that I have very low self esteem, though my strengths claim I am a self motivator. Leadership qualities have been part of my individuality, guess it’s inherited. Creativity, again a trait from my zodiac sign, I must accept in all humility I have “A little something of that…”

Family is very important to me, the reason being surrounded by loved one’s who sometimes get irritating though, and well! I think they do so for my best interest.

Materialistic pleasures have been blessed in abundance to me and I have taken undue advantages of that. Superstition has a small but definite role to play in the analytical time of my life. Strong in values of religious tradition to which I belong at the same time self tolerant to others perspectives for good and accepts the pyramid of universal truth of prayer, positive energy and love.

My friends very few that I have are very dear to me, I try to be loyal to them, for they have supported and loved me a lot, which I appreciate.

Professionally being a hotelier was not easy, emerging from the typical Indian family dreams of doctors and engineers was a quite a mellow drama, but  today I can be well deservedly be proud of my accomplishments and I am grateful to Almighty and to all of them who helped me in achieving it.

This reminds me of how I evolved myself, being a quite student I was not appreciated because it did not reflect on my studies but it all revolved and changed at the age of ten, I guess it was the first se3lf accomplishment that made me feel good ,My first prize on the elocution “Truth is the greatest power” looking back I still remember that I did not feel cold while facing 400 pupils of my school as an audience The good feeling lasted with more to come on its way for the next five years until I graduated the school.

Again I guess I was lost in goodness and felt I was lost in time when I emerged my wings out of the cocoon. I was not prepared to face the world. Two years of dreadfulness, I acted weird, did nasty things. I hate to remember!! The negativity also had its positive attributes .I was able to define my future studies and career here. The next four years of my life I was as happy as a flying bird, never regretted a moment.” the best four years of my life” .Oh! How I wish I could go back with time.

Leaping into professional world, I was well prepared by the rigors training by my Alma mater .so, adjusting myself to this new world was not strange.

Now that I continue to introspect myself further in quest of an answer I stand confused, the subject quite complex and sensitive, even my best of friends and family will be of no help to me. I hope time will help me understand it and I am positive “it” will do so. To balance my emotions until then…is quite a challenge.